Mind

My first resolution deals with Mind.  I think that the first step in changing, improving, or being happier is to get your mind in order.

I have dealt with the blues in various forms for as long as I can remember.  Sometimes it's just being down, sometimes it's outright depression.  I've been on medication once and hated it.  During my entire pregnancy I was in a great mood.  My husband and I didn't fight or bicker, I felt great about life.  And, then, after the birth of my daughter a year ago things went downhill.  I don't know and I still don't know if  it was postpartum depression or just the rockiness that happens after a child's birth, but even a year later, I struggle. 

I'm a thinker; I'm always thinking about something.  Sometimes innocuous things, but usually I'm dwelling on something that worries me or upsets me.  I mind-talk myself into a tizzy and things grow out of proportion.  As a result I'm a very anxious and controlling person.  It's exhausting. 

I'm tired of feeling depressed.  I'm tired of being critical and mean to my husband.  I'm tired of losing my temper so easily with my family.  I'm tired of feeling like a terrible mother.  I'm tired of feeling anxious and stressed out most of the time.  I'm tired of not caring enough to go out for a walk, out to dinner, or to put on real clothes. 

So, if I can make even small steps in improving my outlook and attitude, I think I will reap great benefits.  I know that life isn't perfect and I won't be Susie Sunshine all of the time, but anything has to be an improvement.

My mind goals:
1.  Find a therapist and meet with them regularly to sort out my problems with depression, anxiety, the relationship wth my  husband, my feelings about being a lousy mother, my anger, etc, etc, etc.
2.  Keep a gratitude journal.
3.  Learn to fight fair, minimize criticism, and be a nicer overall person to my husband.