I've been doing the Weight Watchers (WW) thing for 3 weeks now. I knew the first week I'd probably lose a good chunk of weight -- nearly everyone does. The second week it was 2.2 lbs and I thought that was pretty good. When I stepped on the scale last week I was shocked to be told I had lost 6.2 lbs that week! 6.2 lbs! Crazy! So, that brings me to a total of 14 lbs lost, hopefully never to be seen again.
This week has been challenging in the eating department. There have been 2 lunches ordered in with one more (Birthday) lunch tomorrow. And last night I couldn't stop myself and just kept eating and eating and eating. I've tracked the points, but it still worries me a bit.
I'm trying to figure out what the trigger was. Yes, I'm stressed and a bit depressed, but I'm not sure if that was it. I wonder if it's because I had a ton of carbs and sugar the other day. Maybe that made me crave more carbs and sugar. It's hard to tell at this point.
But, I will keep tracking my food, taking responsibility for it and myself, and just keep plugging along. I'm just 4 lbs away from my 5% and I can TASTE it!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Assumptions
I have been meeting with my therapist for about 3 weeks now. Today was the last "diagnostic interview" day -- where she learns about my background, etc. We spent the last 15 minutes or so doing actual talk therapy.
I won't get into the sordid details, but at one point she asked me if I had made an assumption about something Diego wanted. And you know what, I had. I hadn't asked him about it, I had just assumed that because I would have appreciated a certain action, he would have appreciated the same action.
But, her question got me thinking -- just because I think one way, it's entirely possible that Diego thinks a completely different way. That sounds so simple, but it's pretty eye-opening me for me. I mean, I know that we have different ways of thinking about some things. We have differening problems. But, there are certain things that I just assume.
And that's a problem. We don't communicate very well, Diego and I, and I think we both make assumptions. So, next week, I'm going to try to talk about my (our) communication problems.
I won't get into the sordid details, but at one point she asked me if I had made an assumption about something Diego wanted. And you know what, I had. I hadn't asked him about it, I had just assumed that because I would have appreciated a certain action, he would have appreciated the same action.
But, her question got me thinking -- just because I think one way, it's entirely possible that Diego thinks a completely different way. That sounds so simple, but it's pretty eye-opening me for me. I mean, I know that we have different ways of thinking about some things. We have differening problems. But, there are certain things that I just assume.
And that's a problem. We don't communicate very well, Diego and I, and I think we both make assumptions. So, next week, I'm going to try to talk about my (our) communication problems.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Cultivating love
I don't know why it's so hard to get my love act together. Admittedly, I have been in a better mood for the last week, so that in and of itself is a step forward in my relationship. However, I still really need to work on my temper and criticism. I have been very remiss in showing physical affection to my husband and complimenting him. Nor have I planned a date night. Really, I'm a love slacker.
I think that my husband and I need to start with basics. We've been so focused on going, going, going for the past year that we don't know how to connect anymore. Or maybe it's just me.
Delia's gone to bed super early for the last few nights and Diego's dad is in the hospital which meant we had a lot of time together in the evenings. But, we just sat there on the couch, watching TV and surfing the internet. Not really talking. Not really connecting or interacting. I'm scared and frustrated all at the same time. I don't know what to do about it.
So, I went to bed at 9:30 the last two nights. It was GLORIOUS. But, of course, I was asleep by the time Diego came up to bed. So, I missed that chance to connect as well.
I need to give more attention to my relationship. Maybe the best thing to do is to write my resolutions out somewhere so I can really focus on them. Having them in front of my face so I can't ignore them or forget about them.
Hopefully I'll have a more positive update next week.
I think that my husband and I need to start with basics. We've been so focused on going, going, going for the past year that we don't know how to connect anymore. Or maybe it's just me.
Delia's gone to bed super early for the last few nights and Diego's dad is in the hospital which meant we had a lot of time together in the evenings. But, we just sat there on the couch, watching TV and surfing the internet. Not really talking. Not really connecting or interacting. I'm scared and frustrated all at the same time. I don't know what to do about it.
So, I went to bed at 9:30 the last two nights. It was GLORIOUS. But, of course, I was asleep by the time Diego came up to bed. So, I missed that chance to connect as well.
I need to give more attention to my relationship. Maybe the best thing to do is to write my resolutions out somewhere so I can really focus on them. Having them in front of my face so I can't ignore them or forget about them.
Hopefully I'll have a more positive update next week.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Tending the body
I signed up for Weight Watchers last week, but didn’t get around to attending my first meeting until this past Sunday. In the past when I’ve done WW, I’ve only done it online. I generally hate people and I am always worried that I’ll be the youngest or the fattest or the whatever-est at these things. I was particularly hesitant because this meeting was in Bethesda. Bethesda is the land of the wealthy and upper middle class. The land of people who drive Mercedes, have nannies, and vacation homes. I have none of those things and probably never will. So, I was afraid that I’d be in a room of 40 something overachievers who were concerned about losing 10 lbs.
Luckily, the meeting was nothing like that. It was actually fun and nice. It had a good variety of people of all ages, genders, shapes, and sizes. I probably was one of the largest people there, but not so large that I looked like the odd woman out. It was a good experience.
I weighed about what I thought I would. Seeing it in writing though makes it more real. But, I know that I have to get myself healthier to make myself and my family happier.
I brought home all of my materials and started chatting to Diego about them. He was actually really interested in the process and still asks me occasional questions about “can you eat that” or “what do you eat”. And I tell him that I can eat anything I want, I just have to account for it and work around it. It sounds so simple but yet so freeing at the same time.
I can eat whatever I want; I just have to make trade offs later that day or later that week to account for it.
It helps that I have an absurdly high number of points right now because I’m so heavy. Last night I actually had to make a sandwich with white bread and real mayo to make up some points so I wasn’t left with 10 pts at the end of the day. And man, that sandwich was good!
Doing this tracking is making more aware of what I’m putting in my mouth. Today, I feel happy that I’m on this program. I feel in control, and I haven’t felt in control of much lately. Maybe that’s why my mood has improved a lot since I’ve started this blog. I’m not just sitting around, letting life push me around. I’m taking charge, setting goals, taking CONTROL of the situation.
Now, I know that I can’t control much in my life. So many things are left up to change and circumstance and yes, even G-d, but it’s nice to feel that I can control one or two things in my life. Maybe that’s what my overarching theme of this year should be: controlling what can be controlled, and accepting what cannot be controlled.
Luckily, the meeting was nothing like that. It was actually fun and nice. It had a good variety of people of all ages, genders, shapes, and sizes. I probably was one of the largest people there, but not so large that I looked like the odd woman out. It was a good experience.
I weighed about what I thought I would. Seeing it in writing though makes it more real. But, I know that I have to get myself healthier to make myself and my family happier.
I brought home all of my materials and started chatting to Diego about them. He was actually really interested in the process and still asks me occasional questions about “can you eat that” or “what do you eat”. And I tell him that I can eat anything I want, I just have to account for it and work around it. It sounds so simple but yet so freeing at the same time.
I can eat whatever I want; I just have to make trade offs later that day or later that week to account for it.
It helps that I have an absurdly high number of points right now because I’m so heavy. Last night I actually had to make a sandwich with white bread and real mayo to make up some points so I wasn’t left with 10 pts at the end of the day. And man, that sandwich was good!
Doing this tracking is making more aware of what I’m putting in my mouth. Today, I feel happy that I’m on this program. I feel in control, and I haven’t felt in control of much lately. Maybe that’s why my mood has improved a lot since I’ve started this blog. I’m not just sitting around, letting life push me around. I’m taking charge, setting goals, taking CONTROL of the situation.
Now, I know that I can’t control much in my life. So many things are left up to change and circumstance and yes, even G-d, but it’s nice to feel that I can control one or two things in my life. Maybe that’s what my overarching theme of this year should be: controlling what can be controlled, and accepting what cannot be controlled.
Minding my mind
So, trying to find a therapist has been challenging. Apparently finding a therapist close to where I live, who takes BCBS, and has evening or weekend hours is impossible. Maybe I should consider a career change?
After much searching and fruitless phone calls and emails, I have found someone who is across the street from my job. Now, ideally, I don’t want to have therapy during the work day because I would think that it would be mentally exhausting, but since I can’t find what I need closer to home, I have to take what I can get. Ironically, this therapist actually has weekend hours! But, I won’t be driving to Virginia on the weekend if I can avoid it; I’m hoping that we can find a regular appointment early in the morning, around lunch, or in the early evening. Here’s to hoping.
I have my first appointment with her this upcoming Monday. How fitting since Mondays are my Mind day :-)
I have been keeping a Gratitude Journal most days. I recently skipped a few days because, well, I forgot, but I picked it up again.
Yesterday was a good day, mentally. Although work is extremely stressful right now, I felt pretty good when I got home. Honestly, it helped that Delia decided to go to bed at 6:30, so I was able to spend the evening focusing on me and my husband. I went to bed at 9:30 and it was GLORIOUS. So glorious that I didn’t mind when Delia woke up at quarter to 6.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Creativity
The last of my resolutions focuses on Creativity. I have always been a crafty person. Some of my favorite childhood gifts were craft-related. There's just something about finishing a project and knowing that you made it with your own hands.
Over the years I've dabbled in all kinds of stuff -- crochet, jewelry making, card making, stamping, scrapbooking, etc, etc, etc. I go through phases where I go full force with something, buying every imaginable supply, and then eventually want to try something else and repeat the process.
This has resulted in me having a lot of stuff. A Lot.
I think that other than my health, my creativity has suffered the most in the last year. With a young child and a full-time job, there isn't a lot of time left for purely fun solo activities. Especially since my crafting space is in the bedroom, which is also where the baby sleeps (yes, we have a small house!). And, it doesn't help that I boxed up my stuff months ago awaiting my husband to paint our bedroom.
I had grand delusions of making Christmas cards this year and even went as far as to purchase all of the supplies. Zero Christmas cards made. I had managed to make 2 scrapbooking pages this year as well as 3 mini albums for various presents. That's a good accomplishment :-)
This year I resolve to jumpstart my creativity by:
1. Purging my supplies. No, really.
2. Trying to only purchase things I need.
3. Finding time to do creative work at home once a month.
4. Continue doing Craft 101 at work.
Over the years I've dabbled in all kinds of stuff -- crochet, jewelry making, card making, stamping, scrapbooking, etc, etc, etc. I go through phases where I go full force with something, buying every imaginable supply, and then eventually want to try something else and repeat the process.
This has resulted in me having a lot of stuff. A Lot.
I think that other than my health, my creativity has suffered the most in the last year. With a young child and a full-time job, there isn't a lot of time left for purely fun solo activities. Especially since my crafting space is in the bedroom, which is also where the baby sleeps (yes, we have a small house!). And, it doesn't help that I boxed up my stuff months ago awaiting my husband to paint our bedroom.
I had grand delusions of making Christmas cards this year and even went as far as to purchase all of the supplies. Zero Christmas cards made. I had managed to make 2 scrapbooking pages this year as well as 3 mini albums for various presents. That's a good accomplishment :-)
This year I resolve to jumpstart my creativity by:
1. Purging my supplies. No, really.
2. Trying to only purchase things I need.
3. Finding time to do creative work at home once a month.
4. Continue doing Craft 101 at work.
Spending and Saving
My next to last resolution "theme" is that of spending and saving. It probably should read the other way, huh? Saving should always come before spending. "Should", being the key word.
I was never very good at saving, but I did excel at spending. At one point, I probably had $10,000-$15,000 in credit card debt. Some of it was from frivolous purchases like clothes, shoes, books, body products, craft stuff, laptop, etc. Some of it was for classes at the community college, car repairs, or groceries. Regardless of the merit of the purchase, over $10,000 in credit card debt isn't a good thing. And mind you, that didn't take into account my car payment or student loan payments.
About 5 years ago I realized that I didn't want to live with that much credit card debt. I started to chip away at it, with some extra payments and putting my tax return toward the payments. About 2 years ago, I paid off all of my credit cards. I also paid off my car in that time.
I also managed to get my savings up to about $5000 by putting away overtime money and money from each paycheck. However, my savings have dwindled over the past year or so, mostly because I have been taking money out of savings to cover overdrafts on my checking account. And why do I have overdrafts do you ask? Well, I'm buying stuff.
It's not stuff that I need, but I desperately want it. Books, stamping supplies, scrapbooking supplies, etc, etc, etc. It started with a treat to myself after the baby was born, then, it became more frequent. Whenever I felt sad or unhappy or stressed out (which, really is the entire first year after a baby), I spent money.
At least I haven't been charging things to a credit card. I do all of my buying with my Visa check card or PayPal (connected to my checking account). But, that still doesn't me feel less sick to my stomach when I realize that I'm down to less than $1000 in my savings account.
Additionally, our joint credit card bills have been quite high over the last year or so. We always pay off that balance each month, and much of it was purchasing baby stuff, but there's no good reason to have a $2000+ credit card bill each month.
Diego and I both kept our finances separate before we were married even when we were living together. We're both set in our financial ways and like having our money to do what we want to with it. Diego is *much* more frugal than I am, however. He is a good influence on me. But, we need to learn to work more in tandem when it comes to our finances.
I'd really like to get a handle on my (and our) spending this year and increase my (and our) savings. I resolve to:
1. Make a household budget with Diego. Including discretionary money for each of us. And stick to it.
2. Make a savings plan with Diego and implement it.
3. Limit my craft spending. I need to come up with a reasonable amount to spend every month/quarter. Amount TBD.
I was never very good at saving, but I did excel at spending. At one point, I probably had $10,000-$15,000 in credit card debt. Some of it was from frivolous purchases like clothes, shoes, books, body products, craft stuff, laptop, etc. Some of it was for classes at the community college, car repairs, or groceries. Regardless of the merit of the purchase, over $10,000 in credit card debt isn't a good thing. And mind you, that didn't take into account my car payment or student loan payments.
About 5 years ago I realized that I didn't want to live with that much credit card debt. I started to chip away at it, with some extra payments and putting my tax return toward the payments. About 2 years ago, I paid off all of my credit cards. I also paid off my car in that time.
I also managed to get my savings up to about $5000 by putting away overtime money and money from each paycheck. However, my savings have dwindled over the past year or so, mostly because I have been taking money out of savings to cover overdrafts on my checking account. And why do I have overdrafts do you ask? Well, I'm buying stuff.
It's not stuff that I need, but I desperately want it. Books, stamping supplies, scrapbooking supplies, etc, etc, etc. It started with a treat to myself after the baby was born, then, it became more frequent. Whenever I felt sad or unhappy or stressed out (which, really is the entire first year after a baby), I spent money.
At least I haven't been charging things to a credit card. I do all of my buying with my Visa check card or PayPal (connected to my checking account). But, that still doesn't me feel less sick to my stomach when I realize that I'm down to less than $1000 in my savings account.
Additionally, our joint credit card bills have been quite high over the last year or so. We always pay off that balance each month, and much of it was purchasing baby stuff, but there's no good reason to have a $2000+ credit card bill each month.
Diego and I both kept our finances separate before we were married even when we were living together. We're both set in our financial ways and like having our money to do what we want to with it. Diego is *much* more frugal than I am, however. He is a good influence on me. But, we need to learn to work more in tandem when it comes to our finances.
I'd really like to get a handle on my (and our) spending this year and increase my (and our) savings. I resolve to:
1. Make a household budget with Diego. Including discretionary money for each of us. And stick to it.
2. Make a savings plan with Diego and implement it.
3. Limit my craft spending. I need to come up with a reasonable amount to spend every month/quarter. Amount TBD.
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